I have moved to ivorywaves.tumblr.com

i’m sick of feeling like this i wish you just gave a shit for once. i wish you’d do something to make me know you miss me. but what if you don’t? what if you’re that stubborn and cold and heartless that you don’t ever come back? what if you genuinely don’t care this time. my mind can’t deal with that. i’m trying to carry on but as soon as i think i’m ok you remind me that i’m not. you remind me i’m still here, alive, breathing, going endless days without you. 

your words are like the ocean, so overwhelming and they drown me. 

your mind is like an inside of a watch, so elaborate and puzzling. 

when you play your games i’m afraid i won’t even make it out alive. 

i’m more afraid of my mind than anything you have to offer. but my heart could be worse. it longs for you in stupid amounts. at stupid hours. 

your heart is like the winter, so cold, brutal and miserable. 

if you let anyone in they’d change that. i’d change it. but you don’t see things the way i do. 

i don’t know how i even feel any more. i see your name on a screen and i feel lost like i am in some large majestic world but i am a small insignificance. and that would be correct because that’s all i am to you. you never needed me you needed someone and to have me think i was different,you were cruel. i was crazy. i was dumb. i also feel empty when i see you but also as though i could just hold you and not let go for a while and just absorb the moment because it know it won’t last. i don’t know how you feel but this is how i feel and if i had a way to tell you i would. but things always change and i just wished i’d have caught you but now you’re gone and there’s no way you’ll ever come back. i know you know and you know i know. it’s all our huge scheme. like we always do. come back like you always do. i miss you like i always do. maybe its not the same this time. i hope you don’t mean it. i hope i still mean something. did you lose all your room for me when you made it for her? as long as your content i’d say i am but i’m not. i still feel lost and sometimes i can’t breathe and i just want to bury my head on your chest and cry only i can’t because if you were to ask me why i was sad i would have to say you and i could never admit my love for you to you.